The Pioneer (New Delhi), January 1998

The Bible of Indian Politics

The Indian political system is the handiwork of God.


During the Christmas vacation of 1997, I visited my alma mater, a Christian college in Southern Kerala. It was two in the afternoon and the professor of politics could be heard preaching.

"Students", the professor began, "the Indian political system is the handiwork of God. And, therefore, we must analyse the situation through the spectacle of religion. The yappings and trappings, the events and givens are best explained in the language of Christ." He paused to see the response. The students were awake.

"In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth i.e., the President and the Parliament. The President lived in palatial surroundings while the Parliament was steeped in chaos. And God said let there be Ministers. And God saw the ministers, that they were good (for nothing); and God divided the ministers from the people. In the days that followed, he created a Prime Minister, several Chief Ministers, a Constitution and political parties; he made the stars and superstars. And God blessed them, saying Be fruitful and multiply. (Kalyan Singh went a step further. While the number of parties multiplied by division, Kalyan chose to add 93 ministers by subtracting members of other parties). This was the genesis of the Indian political system."

Through the corner of the eye, the preacher noticed that students were beginning to fall asleep.

"The tree of religion stood in the middle of Eden Gardens. (In Calcutta, Jyoti Babu cut the tree to make way for the cricket pitch. A tree of religion might bear the opium of the masses, reasoned the Marxists). To the Adams and Eves of the Indian political scene, the Lord God commanded, 'Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat: But of the tree of religion, thou shall not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely flourish but the people shalt perish.'

"Now the BJP was more subtle than any party and the serpent slithered amongst the leaves of the forbidden tree. The movement caught the eye of Congress on election Eve and she took the fruit thereof, and did eat. Within moments, all who had plucked the fruits from the tree of religion knew that they were communal. The communalisation of politics marked the 1980s and we are stuck with it even today." The teacher appeared sentimental and thoughtful.

"It is important for you to know about the Last Supper. The UF (Unstable Front) got together in Delhi for a co-ordination meeting with its supporters..."

"In the coming University exams, you might be asked to comment on the the fall of the Gujral government. Hence, it is important for you to know about the Last Supper. The UF (Unstable Front) got together in Delhi for a co-ordination meeting with its supporters. Kesri in apostle's clothing also arrived there to wine and dine. And as they sat and did eat, Jesus said, 'Verily I say unto you, One of you which eateth with me shall betray me'.

"And as they did it, Jesus took the interim report of the Jain Commission and gave a page each to the partners for proof-reading. The apostles on the Left found a lot of mistakes, but Kesri did find none. He had got the page on apostle Karunanidhi. Jesus turned to apostle Moopanar and saith unto him, 'Verily I say unto thee, That this day, even in this night, before the cock crow twice, thou shalt deny me thrice'.

"Before the President could meet Gujral, Judas goeth straightaway to him and saith, Master, master; and withdrew support to Jesus.

"Meanwhile, the letter expressing support for the UF was drafted. But, the TMC hesitated to sign. By then, the cock had crowed twice. And apostle Moopanar called to mind the word that Jesus said unto him. And when he thought thereon, he signed the draft.

"You know the rest. Jesus was crucified. In the third month (during elections) he arose from the political grave. But he no longer led the apostles."

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